Will I Sing Again in 2010?

Not even weeks without food could make hospital jello taste better

So here’s the cliff notes version of my last year:

Trip to see a pro singers specialist in Beverly Hill

I went to the ENT with a bruised eardrum from a gig and was told acid reflux was about to burn my vocal cords at the stake (fall ’08).

After all other treatments failed, I had a surgery for acid reflux last December. My stomach burst three days later.

They woke me in the hospital so my husband could say goodbye before I underwent emergency surgery. I spent most of the month in the hospital.

My favorite ride at Disneyland, where my daughter sang

More looks at my vocal cords

The year included a total of four surgeries, an eight inch in scar opened twice and 10 laporascopic holes to try to repair the damage.

When I started all of this I had no trouble singing. Now, on top of my other medical issues, I have a constant gravel in my voice and pain in my throat that is made worse by speech or singing.

After a year of ongoing recovery, barely walking or talking let a lone singing for much of the year and losing my job as a producer/talent and, as a result, our home….just before Christmas 2009 they told me maybe it’s not acid reflux after all and maybe we should start over again with the ENT.

My mom & I at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix

I don’t mean to be all gripey, but it’s been a long year. It’s been doable in small doses, but then came Christmas and the realization that I haven’t sang O Holy Night for two years now. Sound trite, I suppose, but I’m a singer. It’s the one thing I can (or could) physically do that brings me incredible joy. And for most of my life I’ve had the honor of singing O Holy Night at the Christmas Eve services at my church.

Christmas Eve rehearsal 2007

Now I love rock and the blues and there’s nothing like belting out a good Ella tune, but O Holy Night is in a class of it’s own. It mixes an endless possibility of opportunities for vocal expression with a powerful, timeless message that I’m personally passionate about. I sat and cried like a stupid baby when they sang it at the Christmas Eve service this year. Not because I didn’t get to sing it, but because I so desperately miss singing. I miss the beauty of the notes flowing together and the depth of dynamics that weave in and out to tell a story. I miss being a living part of that. I miss it desperately.

My Sweet Family

I’m in the middle of six more months of vocal rest…though I’m not even sure why at this point. The one thing everyone agrees on is that my vocal cords are strong and healthy; not at all burned from any acid reflux or the truckload of drugs I’ve been on this year. But after one of my surgeries I developed a constant pain that starts just below my vocal cords and runs down my throat. For awhile I couldn’t talk at all. So even though I can technically sing, sneaking out anymore than a few lines is still too painful. No one knows why or if/when it will go away and enable me to sing freely again.

My year wasn’t all bad though. I’ve soaked in the time with my kids and my wonderful husband. I’ve discovered cooking and, believe it or not, crochet! I’ve lived unashamedly and vicariously through my students whom I adore and I have bathed in the beauty of song I suppose like a blind person must soak in each little sound.

Before

After

So I’m thankful for my year. Thankful to have lost weight (can’t ever complain about that!) and to have been surrounded by lots of loving, incredible people.

The doctors aren’t saying what my medical future holds. There are only plans for more medical tests, more medication and maybe more surgery in the new year. And hopefully some answers.

But even if it kills me…I’m going to sing in 2010. God only knows how, but I will.

How Sick is Too Sick to Sing?

fever“The show must go on”, even when you’d rather be sucking down chicken noodle soup in your bunny slippers.  And for the most part, if you have solid vocal technique, you literally can sing through almost anything. How?  Well, good vocal technique builds a healthy, balanced voice and a strong mix.  And as you’re developing healthy voice habits and a strong mix, you’ll be amazed what your cords will do for you even when the rest of your body is screaming to disappear under a cloud of blankets never to return again.   (For the fastest, most complete instruction on technique I highly recommend private instruction with a Speech Level Singing or Singing from a Speech Level Trained instructor, including the coaches at Singing Success.)

If you’ve developed unhealthy physical or vocal habits like smoking, scream singing, straining the voice in performance, singing breathy all the time, etc., your voice will quit on you much faster once you catch that dreaded cold because it’s already been compromised.  It’ll also take longer to return to the point it was at before. So if you take on any gigs any time during the year that you’d rather not have to cancel, private instruction with instructors like the ones I’ve mentioned are well worth the investment to prevent having to sacrifice all the work and networking you’ve done to get a gig, only to have to cancel because you’re sick.

So back to the question;  how sick IS too sick to sing?  If your voice is weak, the answer is any level of sickness that compromises your voice.  If you get hoarse or raspy and have not built solid vocal technique, you’re more likely to damage your voice.  If you have developed a strong mix and a healthy voice you’ll find that your voice can still perform through most illnesses; far beyond the point where the rest of you just wants to climb in bed.  That’s the beauty of having a strong, healthy voice; you get to make the decisions instead of your voice deciding for you.

But there is ONE time that ANY vocalist should not be singing if at all possible; when you have a fever.  A fever is your body’s way of taking a serious step to fight something nasty.  Once you have a fever your whole body is engaged in the battle which means your tender vocal cords are at increased risk of damage.  A fever is the line in the sand showing you when it’s time to pull the plug and go home if at all possible.  Do people sing through fevers?  Sure they do.  But they also ride motorcycles without helmets.  It’s not smart, but they do it.  A fever is the clear sign that your voice is at risk. Don’t go there.

If you don’t have a fever and and are trying to sing through seasonal illnesses, here are a few things that should help:

  • Throat Coat Tea (available online and at Walmart and most drug and grocery stores)  Throat coats has slippery elm and licorice root which are natural products that help that gunk in the back of your throat thin out and get out of your way.  Tastes much better than it sounds!  Drink cold or hot, but be aware that tea bags disintegrate faster than most.
  • Thayers Throat Lozenges These also include slippery elm, licorice root and other natural products proven to sooth sore or swollen throats and help loosen gunky phlegm.
  • WATER!  Getting and staying hydrated when you don’t feel well is a special challenge, but if you do it, you’ll enjoy much less gunk in the throat when those colds hit.  Green and herbal teas, like Throat Coat, count too!

I Only Make Noise for Money

I was teasing some Facebook friends about whether I should do a commercial for a Sephora skin care line I was offered the other day.  It was kind of a joke, because I haven’t been able to speak for several weeks.  Now they want to know if I only talk for money now.  So, here’s the skinny.

This vocal condition I have is so bizarre.  Even my voice instructor associates are baffled at it and it took one of the country’s leading doctors to diagnose it.  I can’t say I completely understand it myself, but to answer the questions …. and friendly jeers, I’m going to attempt to explain it a little better.

I’ve had four surgeries this year. During the last one in late June, the breathing tube that was placed down my throat scraped my windpipe just below my voice box.  So, technically my voice is fine.  The problem is that my body’s reaction to the scrape and the two little accompanying tumors has been to increasingly cease up the deep muscles in my neck causing great pain which is made much worse by making sound (I’m guessing because of the air irritating that damaged area).  So out of a pain reflex of sorts, my voice has started dwindling away.  After the surgery I started noticing it hurting a bit after I talked.  By July I could only whisper and by late August I couldn’t speak at all without incredible pain afterwords.  By September the pain was excruciating.
Because of that, I’ve not been able to do voice over work and have had to take a hiatus from teaching to get the pain under control while I wait to begin a special kind of therapy to retrain my throat to chillax.  But I did chose to take on a job today for a couple of reasons;  a past client recommended me,  I do hope to work again someday so I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to build a relationship with a new client, and I was honestly really curious to see if I could do it.

So how is it possible to do a voice over if I can’t speak?  Well, this is the way it was explained to me:  because I am a trained professional vocalist, vocal instructor and voice talent, my vocal cords are physically fine and because I have trained them to work correctly for these purposes, that training kicks in when I do what I’m trained for and actually lessens the stress in my throat.  For instance, by the time I could only whisper with my speaking voice, I could still sing through all registers and four octaves, and voice commercials with little problem.  But as the stress in my throat has continued to tighten,  the pain with even doing those things make it very difficult.

I haven’t sung or voiced anything for several weeks until today.  Dr. Nasseri said no singing or voicing until I get therapy, so I haven’t.  But honestly, the sheer curiosity was getting to me.  So I did it.  I voiced one commercial.  How did it go?  Well, the client is happy.  But omg – that is NOT my voice.  I did a very gentle vocal warm up and could tell 3/4 of my range is now completely gone, replaced by the pain in my throat.  It’s frail.  It’s like it’s freaking out.  It takes a massive amount of effort to keep the tone together at all, the ends of sentences completely disappear.  It took me four times longer to record than it should have.

Dr. Nasseri was right; no more of that.  But I can’t imagine how i survive six months of therapy with no work and expect to have any work after that!  Good thing I’m a voice instructor, because once I’m cleared to vocally train again, this is going to be a long process.

So, my facebook friends, I will no longer be making noise for money for awhile.  I’m still waiting for someone to return my calls to schedule therapy…. and taking it out on my dry erase board instead.

Stop! You’re Killing Your Voice.

Screaming singerHow to Know if You’ve Gone Too Far

If there’s one question I hear all the time, it’s ‘how do I know if I’ve done something damaging to my voice?’  which always makes me think of something someone once told me about child rearing. “It only takes one time to touch a hot stove before they know better.”  Unfortunately I wasn’t that bright in my younger years as a singer.  So let’s take that analogy a bit further.  These are the tell tale signs that you’re taking your voice down a dangerous road. (*I am not a doctor and am not attempting to give medical advice.  If you have medical concerns about your voice please see a highly recommended ear, nose and throat physician.)

Pain

Pain is our body’s way of saying, ‘hey, knock that off!’  It is NOT a signal that you just had an intense performance.  It means you are requiring things of your voice that will damage it.  If you feel pain during or after singing, get the help of a qualified technique instructor to help put your voice back into a healthy balance.  A good one can help you do that without sacrificing your signature sound.  Yes, rock singers.  I’m talking to you.

Hoarseness

Ever scream at a huge sporting event and find your throat is sore the next day?  Probably no shocker.  Yet we seem surprised when the same thing happens after singing.  Hoarseness is another red flag that tells us your voice is not in balance and is being utilized incorrectly.   Hoarseness can also be a symptom of vocal cord polyps, granulomas (a growth caused by acid reflux and accompanied by ear and throat pain) and other medical conditions.  Even it this happens only occasionally, it’s time to be assessed by a good technique instructor.  If it’s happening consistently, see a a good ENT.

Loss of Voice

This is another way your voice protects itself from damage, it says ‘I’ve had enough, thank you.’  We’ve all had times when we’ve had an adrenaline packed performance and required more of our voices than we should, but if you are losing your voice at any time after you sing, you are heading down a road that could lead to nodes, cysts and surgery (oh my).

Missing Notes

If you find that all of a sudden you have specific notes in your range that are really weak or maybe missing altogether, it’s time to see a good ENT.  This is a classic sign that you’ve damaged your voice.  Nodes or cysts are like blisters on the vocal cords.  Wherever they develop the cords have trouble coming together .  If this is happening to you, you’re in need of medical intervention.  Once the problem is diagnosed and fixed, it will most likely return unless you find a qualified technique instructor to help retrain the bad habits you’ve formed that got you there.

If you’ve noticed the reoccurring theme has been ‘technique’.  There are many incredibly talented people who have horrendous technique.  Do they sound good?  Yes.  Will their voice last through everything they’d like to do with that talent?  Not without good technique.    So what is good technique and how do I find someone who teaches it?   We’ll talk about that next time.

Have you had a vocal problem you’d like more information on?  Tell us your stories about your experience with taking your voice a little to far.  Click ‘leave a comment’ at the top of this post.

Why I Can’t Talk But I Can Sing

iStock_000005196844XSmallIt’s been rough few weeks as speaking has quickly become so painful that I’ve had to quit talking altogether.  The weird thing is that I can still sing and connect completely through the registers.  Jeffery Skouson, an associate in SLS (speech level singing) and a master level instructor who deals with a lot of different vocal damage issues was stumped too.  My ENT deducted that the nissen fundoplication (surgery for acid reflux that was burning my vocal cords) had failed and I would need to start from scratch and still maybe lose my voice forever.

Those of you who know me or who have read these posts know the first surgery nearly killed me, led to several other surgeries and that I have still not recovered from where this all started when I got my first diagnosis over a year ago. So when I was told I would have to start all over and might possibly lose my voice anyway, I was devastated.

drnasserisofficeSo I took the next flight out to LA and moved up my appointment for a second opinion from Dr. Shawn Nasseri, the guy who trains the voice doctors at Harvard and the Mayo Clinic. Have to say, he’s the only doctor I’ve met with who’s exam room walls are covered with autographed album covers from the artists he’s helped including greats like Whitney Houston and Stevie Wonder to contemporaries like every American Idol to have ever toured. But that’s not the reason I wanted to see him. I went to Dr. Nasseri because he’s the best at what he does.  I also went because all of my work is voice related and I simply can’t imagine being without my voice or the joy of singing.

Now I finally have a real diagnosis; one that made such incredible sense given my symptoms and the unanswered questions posed to my other doctors. It appears what I have is a very uncommon condition called tension muscle dysphonia.  As I understand it, during one or more of my surgeries, the muscles below my vocal cords were scraped by the breathing tubes causing some damage. The muscles reaction to that injury is to increasing seize up with use. It’s similar to a seizure that causes a persons head to pinch to the side, but instead part my throat seizes up causing great and lasting pain through the right side of my neck and head.

The great news is that Dr. Nasseri said I have a beautiful set of vocal cords, no nodes, no damage of any kind and that I will eventually get my speaking voice back. Unfortunately I’m told it will take at least six months working with a special speech pathologist to retrain the muscles to relax.  Apparently the reason I can still sing is because my technique and training have trained these muscles what to do while singing, but speaking, not so much.  Weird.  So for awhile, I’m doing as little of either as possible and visiting my pharmacy often.

What I’ve learned from this experience is that I could’ve saved my self months of emotional distress if I had just bit the bullet and gone to a pro first. Athlete’s don’t see their family physician for a sports injury so why didn’t I do the equivalent for my voice?  Money, primarily.  But it was so worth the cost to get one right answer with a plan to fix it versus the months of pain, guesses and frustration I’ve gone through.

What kind of vocal issues have you had? Click the comments button at the top of this post and leave yours. I’ll be discussing other types of vocal damage and treatment in upcoming posts.  You can help make a difference by sharing your story.

Swimming Pools, Movie Stars and Another Trip to the Doctor

beverly-hillbilliesI’m loading up the family and moving to Beverly; Hills that is.  Ok, so maybe we’re not really moving, but we’re loading up for the trip to get a second opinion on my vocal damage from well known doctor to many stars, Dr. Shawn Nassari.

My fellow SLS instructors agree it’s time to get a real pro to weigh in on the vocal pain I’ve been having.  And I couldn’t ask for a bigger pro than the doctor Nassari who has helped a multitude of million dollar voices.  And after all of the surgery I’ve had this year, I really appreciate a surgeon who would rather not cut.

I’m really hoping it’s something simple, not a cyst or a node.  As a voice teacher and working voice talent, I can’t imagine how I’m going to get by if I get the news that I can’t phonate (make noise) for weeks while I heal.   They say it could be the result of the severe acid reflux that required my first surgery to prevent more damage to my vocal cords. Either way, I’m relieved to be in very capable hands, knowing I’ll finally have an answer in just a few weeks. 

Leave a comment with your vocal questions.  I’ll ask the doctor for you!

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AUDIO:Hear Dr. Nasseri’s own description of the vocal problems he sees in professional singers all the time and get his great tips for a healthier voice.

ARTICLES:

Dr. Nasseri helps ZZ Top Singer

Dr. Nasseri treats Gossip Girl Star

Working on My Broken Voice

plumber

If you’ve ever had vocal damage, this story is probably a little familiar to you.  I’m really frustrated with my damaged voice.  In fact, many times (a day) I want to quit altogether… a little hard since I’m a vocal coach and I make my living as a vocalist and voice talent, but lately I really really want to.

It’s been a frustrating journey.  First discovering that acid reflux was burning my vocal cords and hearing it change my voice.  Then surviving the emergency surgery that left me too weak to talk for several weeks and trying to get my whole body strong enough so my voice could produce quality sound again.  I hadn’t even gotten there when they nicked my vocal cords during the last surgery and caused the swelling and what they think is a node or a cyst on my right cord.

Now that I’ve been medically cleared to start rehabilitating my voice (see the video Q&A for what I do that’s different) I find myself in the same place I’ve seen some of my students who I’ve trained through vocal damage: so ready to give up.  It’s amazing how much you take your voice for granted; love it or hate it, you know what you can expect from it.  But for those who have gone through major illness or vocal damage, you no longer have any idea what you can expect from your voice.  It’s weak or notes just disappear without warning.  Years of training those ‘unusually robust’ vocal cords my doctor says I have are reduced to a tug of war between what I want my voice to do and what it will actually comply with; and it ain’t much right now.

So I’ve decided to give myself a challenge that will force me to do the right thing by my voice; I’ve committed to doing a Christmas album.  The instructor in me knows that if I set a concrete goal with a plan of action to achieve it, the frustrated singer in me will go along until I achieve the real goal; a healthier voice.  I don’t know what it will sound like in the end, and for the first time the final product is not my major concern.  But I know that it will force me to do the training I need to do for my voice and ultimately, will help me get closer to being able to sing with a strong voice, which I haven’t been able to do for almost a year now.

If you’re going through something similar; whether it’s due to damage or insecurity with how your voice sounds, let’s do this together.  Make a vocal goal.  Commit to what it will take to get there.  And when you get to the end you will have so much more than reaching the goal to be proud of.  We’ll get there together.

Let me know your journey.  Comment on this post for the benefit of everyone.

Vocal Surgery? What My Doctor Said.

So I went in for the video laryngoscope that the throat specialist requested before operating on my right vocal cord that was damaged in my last surgery.  It was confirmed that my right cord is swollen and possibly has a node or a cyst.   (In the picture, the cords show up reversed so the right cord, where the bump is, is in the left in the picture. Look closely and you can see that it’s slightly wider than the other.)IMG_0509

As the doctor and I were talking, I told the doctor about the vocal technique I teach and it’s effectiveness to repair vocal damage.  I explained that we don’t work with anyone with a diagnosed medical problem until a doctor clears them for therapy and that I was waiting to be cleared so I could begin training to reverse the damage.  She asked me what specifically I would do if a student came to me with the problem I have so I explained where I would start and why.

IMG_0511At the end of our appointment as she was outlining the standard course of action for my vocal problem (a biopsy and probably surgery), I asked her what she would do if she were me.  She turned and said, “If I were you, I wouldn’t get the biospy.  I’d do what YOU do.”

I’ve had students with vocal damage who have had surgery with great results.  When a singers voice is at risk, the course of treatment is a very personal decision that really has to be made between the singer and their physicians.  But I’m so glad to have found the technique I teach; one that has been proven to actually reverse nodes, swelling and many other vocal issues for those of us who decide not to go under the knife, or the laser.

For me, there was no question that I was going to avoid surgery at all costs.  My whole ordeal started from trying to prevent damage to my voice (see previous posts) and ended with way more surgery than I ever bargained for.  No chance I’m going to let them get at my cords again! (Instead of ‘remember the alamo’, my mantra has been ‘remember Julie Andrews’!)

So now that I’ve been cleared by my physicians, I’m going to begin the road to vocal recovery using the method I’ve used to help other singers.  I’m going to enlist the help of other instructors who teach the same method and journal my progress here to remind those of you who have been there, or are there right now, that there is hope for a damaged voice.  And I’m so ready to have a little hope.

Not My Vocal Cords… Again!

frustrationIt’s been a long time since I’ve posted a follow up on my voice damage so for all of you who have asked, here’s an update.  Last fall my doctors discovered that acid reflux was burning my vocal cords.  (see the post ‘The Voice Coach Has Vocal Damage for details)

Unfortunately, the ‘simple laproscopic surgery’ that was prescribed didn’t go as planned.  A section of my stomach was burned during the procedure and after I got home, my stomach burst.  After an ambulance ride, an emergency surgery to save my life and spending almost a month in the hospital, I didn’t have to worry about my voice anymore.  The acid could no longer reach my cords.  But due to the sepsis, I sustained organ damage and a very long excruciating recovery that I’m still drudging through eight months later.  I’ve had a total of four surgeries this year to repair damage from the emergency.  But at least my voice was fixed.  Well, maybe.

After my latest surgery in June I noticed pain in the right side of my throat and that I was missing almost a half an octave from my range.  It became painful to speak.  A throat specialist did a nasal scope and discovered a bump on my right vocal cord that we think resulted from my vocal cord being nicked by the breathing tube during my last surgery.  After all of this, my vocal cords are more damaged than ever!

It wasn’t clear if it was a vocal node, a cyst or something else, but when the specialist started talking about booking emergency O.R. time, I was devastated.   I have worked with several students to repair their vocal damage, but for the first time I understood that for a singer, the thought of surgery on your voice is like an athlete facing a possible amputation of a limb.  And, as an instructor, I knew I couldn’t work on my own voice until I was medically cleared to.  I was put on vocal rest until a video laryngoscope could be done to identify the next step.  That’s another story for another post….

The Voice Coach Has Vocal Damage

‘m a vocal instructor.  A big proponent of healthy vocal technique who’s been standing on the soap box of vocal care for years.  I’m also an avid talker by nature.  Anyone who knows me would give you the big eyed major head nod on that one.  So the irony of this is so not lost on me.  I’ve been on doctor assigned ‘vocal rest’ until Thanksgiving after some bruising of my vocal cords from a recent endoscopy.  But that’s not the source of my vocal damage.

The most common cause of vocal damage is incorrect use of the voice.  For singers, that often means belting, or pulling up your chest voice beyond the point at which it’s meant to mix with the head voice, or potentially even more damaging; overusing falsetto.  For voice talent (those who speak for commercials, etc. which I also do), damage is more often related to overuse when the voice is tired or dehydrated.  But even if you do everything you can to build a strong, healthy voice, there’s still something that can severely, and sometimes permanently damage your voice.  And that’s exactly what I have; acid reflux.

It’s amazing that acid reflux can damage your voice, considering that the voice box, or larynx, is in the wind acid_oesophaguspipe and the acid comes up the food pipe.  But in some cases, the acid comes all the way up, over the epiglottis (the little wall between the two pipes) and spills acid over onto your delicate vocal cords.  It hurts just thinking about it.

If you have acid reflux, here are some signs it may be time to talk to a GI specialist; a reoccurring hoarseness, a persistent cough or throat irritation, losing your voice for no apparent reason, shortness of breath, or a change in your voice (loss of volume or missing notes for singers or for voice talent, the fluidity of your read becomes stopped at points).

Most acid reflux can be kept in check with dietary changes and/or medications.  But in some cases, like mine, all the drugs and chocolate banning in the world doesn’t slow down the acid machine.  In those cases, surgery is required, followed by a slow healing process for the blisters surrounding the vocal cords.

Thankfully, my doctors says he expects my voice to recover fully from the damage after my scheduled stomach surgery and a few more months of vocal rest.  But I expect to recover much sooner than that.  Because what my doctor isn’t taking into account is the incredible resilience of the well trained voice.  The method of vocal instruction I use, and teach, is proven to actually reverse vocal damage, and it’s my secret weapon.  I just saw the proof for myself!  The two months of ‘no voice’ I was told to expect after my last procedure, turned into only one week thanks to a few vocal exercises with one of my fellow instructors. (Thanks Mr. Hayes!)

Since I make my living with my voice, vocal damage is my kryptonite.  But thanks to solid vocal technique and the knowledge of how to both avoid damage, and heal it if it happens, this will just be a bump in my vocal road.

So, after my surgery and some regular vocal work, soon I’ll have both my voice, and my chocolate back again.