Acid Reflux Erosion in the Esophagus (not mine)

Hidden in the depths of my blog is my personal journey of vocal damage from acid reflux.  In the past three years I’ve gone from being fine to being told my voice was going to disappear forever to having surgery, almost dieing and surviving organ damage only to have them damage my right vocal cord. 

Bad enough for a singer; Devastating for a voice teacher, professional singer and voice talent.

So many of you have asked me to update you on where I’m at with my medical condition and tell you if I was able to sing again after all of my surgeries. 

I’ve also heard from so many of you going through similar situations and I hope you know it breaks my heart to know you’re there too.

So let’s get through this together!  Here’s what’s happened with my voice in the last year:

Did I Sing Again?

 I did!  I have to tell you I can’t even count the number of times I myself thought it was going to be impossible given not only my severe acid problems but the barrage of medical mistakes and damage to my body and larynx. 

But I CAN sing again.  And I see it completely differently than I used to.  I no longer hear people sing and compare voices.  I find that I marvel at them.  I’m more inspired and much less critical.  I see potential faster than I see problems.  That’s been a good change.

But I also have to admit a ting of jealousy for those with a real joy of singing.  I remember joy being the only feeling I had when I sang before this.  Now that is much more hidden underneath the pain and limitations I feel in my voice, even if people can’t hear them.  That’s sad for me.

Did I Sing at the Same Level?

No.  I sang at an INCREASED level after my medical junk than before.  I added another half octave to my range!  

I didn’t see THAT coming.   

I trained my voice to recover.  I’ve trained other vocalists to recover from vocal damage.  I’ve watched them surpass where they were vocally before the damage, so it shouldn’t have surprised me.  

But it’s just different when it’s you.  It is harder to hope when you’re the one feeling the pain and frustration.  Being your own coach when you’re depressed about your voice is not the best thing.  I did reach out to a couple of instructor friends for unbiased input.  I wish I had done that more so I would’ve been less discouraged.

Yet, it happened.  And way sooner than I would’ve ever imagined. I knew that what I teach WORKS and it worked for me too.  I still laugh when I think about all of the speech therapists who begged for more information on what I teach when they saw the super fast repair of my voice. 

I believed in what I taught before all of this.  Now, I honestly can’t help but be a charismatic evangelist.  I’ve watched what I do impact other singers voices for years, but I never expected that I would need it so desperately myself.  I am so grateful.

What Made the Difference?

The healthy balanced voice technique I teach was created with vocal surgeons.  It was the result of years of study on how the voice works and what goes wrong when it doesn’t.  That’s why it’s used by thousands of Grammy award winners and Metropolitan Opera and Broadway stars who can’t afford to be without a strong, healthy voice.

Stuff happens to your voice; bad technique causes vocal damage or in my case, and so many others, a medical condition threatens to take it all away.  All the fancy scales and butt pinching in the world won’t help you then.  I’m a really good butt pincher, so I know it’s true!

Little did I know when I spent those years seeking to learn a vocal technique to open up new potential in my range and power that it would literally save my voice.

Where is My Medical Situation Now?

 My surgery was supposed to permanently stop the flow of acid up my esophagus.  But as later specialists predicted, it didn’t last. My new medical team of specialists says I’m back at square one.  The only difference is that I have lasting damage from the other surgeries to contend with.

I will go through all of the procedures and tests all over again to see how bad it is.  I will be tested for Barrett’s which is a pre-curser to esophageal cancer.  I doubt I have it but I’ll have to be checked every year because of the extent of the damage in my esophagus.  

They believe I may be at the end of possible treatment options. That means I may never see any improvement in the pain.  That’s really frustrating.  But when I remember the prognosis was that I would never sing or speak at the same level again AND have permanent pain, I feel better about it.

What’s the Next Step?

I sing…because I can.  And I do everything I can to let those of you who are struggling with anything that holds your voice back that you CAN sing.  It doesn’t always mean other medical conditions won’t get in the way, but there is really very little that can completely silence a developed healthy voice.  I’m proof of that.

Have you gone through something that’s held your voice back?  Share your story below.  You’re not in this alone.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

Not even weeks without food could make hospital jello taste better

So here’s the cliff notes version of my last year:

Trip to see a pro singers specialist in Beverly Hill

I went to the ENT with a bruised eardrum from a gig and was told acid reflux was about to burn my vocal cords at the stake (fall ’08).

After all other treatments failed, I had a surgery for acid reflux last December. My stomach burst three days later.

They woke me in the hospital so my husband could say goodbye before I underwent emergency surgery. I spent most of the month in the hospital.

My favorite ride at Disneyland, where my daughter sang

More looks at my vocal cords

The year included a total of four surgeries, an eight inch in scar opened twice and 10 laporascopic holes to try to repair the damage.

When I started all of this I had no trouble singing. Now, on top of my other medical issues, I have a constant gravel in my voice and pain in my throat that is made worse by speech or singing.

After a year of ongoing recovery, barely walking or talking let a lone singing for much of the year and losing my job as a producer/talent and, as a result, our home….just before Christmas 2009 they told me maybe it’s not acid reflux after all and maybe we should start over again with the ENT.

My mom & I at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix

I don’t mean to be all gripey, but it’s been a long year. It’s been doable in small doses, but then came Christmas and the realization that I haven’t sang O Holy Night for two years now. Sound trite, I suppose, but I’m a singer. It’s the one thing I can (or could) physically do that brings me incredible joy. And for most of my life I’ve had the honor of singing O Holy Night at the Christmas Eve services at my church.

Christmas Eve rehearsal 2007

Now I love rock and the blues and there’s nothing like belting out a good Ella tune, but O Holy Night is in a class of it’s own. It mixes an endless possibility of opportunities for vocal expression with a powerful, timeless message that I’m personally passionate about. I sat and cried like a stupid baby when they sang it at the Christmas Eve service this year. Not because I didn’t get to sing it, but because I so desperately miss singing. I miss the beauty of the notes flowing together and the depth of dynamics that weave in and out to tell a story. I miss being a living part of that. I miss it desperately.

My Sweet Family

I’m in the middle of six more months of vocal rest…though I’m not even sure why at this point. The one thing everyone agrees on is that my vocal cords are strong and healthy; not at all burned from any acid reflux or the truckload of drugs I’ve been on this year. But after one of my surgeries I developed a constant pain that starts just below my vocal cords and runs down my throat. For awhile I couldn’t talk at all. So even though I can technically sing, sneaking out anymore than a few lines is still too painful. No one knows why or if/when it will go away and enable me to sing freely again.

My year wasn’t all bad though. I’ve soaked in the time with my kids and my wonderful husband. I’ve discovered cooking and, believe it or not, crochet! I’ve lived unashamedly and vicariously through my students whom I adore and I have bathed in the beauty of song I suppose like a blind person must soak in each little sound.

Before

After

So I’m thankful for my year. Thankful to have lost weight (can’t ever complain about that!) and to have been surrounded by lots of loving, incredible people.

The doctors aren’t saying what my medical future holds. There are only plans for more medical tests, more medication and maybe more surgery in the new year. And hopefully some answers.

But even if it kills me…I’m going to sing in 2010. God only knows how, but I will.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

This vocal condition I have is so bizarre.  Even my voice instructor associates are baffled at it and it took one of the country’s leading doctors to diagnose it.  I can’t say I completely understand it myself, but to answer the questions …. and friendly jeers, I’m going to attempt to explain it a little better.

I’ve had four surgeries this year. During the last one in late June, the breathing tube that was placed down my throat scraped my windpipe just below my voice box.  So, technically my voice is fine.  The problem is that my body’s reaction to the scrape and the two little accompanying tumors has been to increasingly cease up the deep muscles in my neck causing great pain which is made much worse by making sound (I’m guessing because of the air irritating that damaged area).  So out of a pain reflex of sorts, my voice has started dwindling away.  After the surgery I started noticing it hurting a bit after I talked.  By July I could only whisper and by late August I couldn’t speak at all without incredible pain afterwords.  By September the pain was excruciating.
Because of that, I’ve not been able to do voice over work and have had to take a hiatus from teaching to get the pain under control while I wait to begin a special kind of therapy to retrain my throat to chillax.  But I did chose to take on a job today for a couple of reasons;  a past client recommended me,  I do hope to work again someday so I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to build a relationship with a new client, and I was honestly really curious to see if I could do it.

So how is it possible to do a voice over if I can’t speak?  Well, this is the way it was explained to me:  because I am a trained professional vocalist, vocal instructor and voice talent, my vocal cords are physically fine and because I have trained them to work correctly for these purposes, that training kicks in when I do what I’m trained for and actually lessens the stress in my throat.  For instance, by the time I could only whisper with my speaking voice, I could still sing through all registers and four octaves, and voice commercials with little problem.  But as the stress in my throat has continued to tighten,  the pain with even doing those things make it very difficult.

I haven’t sung or voiced anything for several weeks until today.  Dr. Nasseri said no singing or voicing until I get therapy, so I haven’t.  But honestly, the sheer curiosity was getting to me.  So I did it.  I voiced one commercial.  How did it go?  Well, the client is happy.  But omg – that is NOT my voice.  I did a very gentle vocal warm up and could tell 3/4 of my range is now completely gone, replaced by the pain in my throat.  It’s frail.  It’s like it’s freaking out.  It takes a massive amount of effort to keep the tone together at all, the ends of sentences completely disappear.  It took me four times longer to record than it should have.

Dr. Nasseri was right; no more of that.  But I can’t imagine how i survive six months of therapy with no work and expect to have any work after that!  Good thing I’m a voice instructor, because once I’m cleared to vocally train again, this is going to be a long process.

So, my facebook friends, I will no longer be making noise for money for awhile.  I’m still waiting for someone to return my calls to schedule therapy…. and taking it out on my dry erase board instead.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

My fellow voice instructors agree it’s time to get a real pro to weigh in on the vocal pain I’ve been having.  And I couldn’t ask for a bigger pro than the doctor Nassari who has helped a multitude of million dollar voices.  And after all of the surgery I’ve had this year, I really appreciate a surgeon who would rather not cut.

I’m really hoping it’s something simple, not a cyst or a node.  As a voice teacher and working voice talent, I can’t imagine how I’m going to get by if I get the news that I can’t phonate (make noise) for weeks while I heal.   They say it could be the result of the severe acid reflux that required my first surgery to prevent more damage to my vocal cords. Either way, I’m relieved to be in very capable hands, knowing I’ll finally have an answer in just a few weeks. 

Leave a comment with your vocal questions.  I’ll ask the doctor for you!

AUDIO:Hear Dr. Nasseri’s own description of the vocal problems he sees in professional singers all the time and get his great tips for a healthier voice.

ARTICLES:

Dr. Nasseri helps ZZ Top Singer

Dr. Nasseri treats Gossip Girl Star

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

If you’ve ever had vocal damage, this story is probably a little familiar to you.  I’m really frustrated with my damaged voice.  In fact, many times (a day) I want to quit altogether… a little hard since I’m a vocal coach and I make my living as a vocalist and voice talent, but lately I really really want to.

It’s been a frustrating journey.  First discovering that acid reflux was burning my vocal cords and hearing it change my voice.  Then surviving the emergency surgery that left me too weak to talk for several weeks and trying to get my whole body strong enough so my voice could produce quality sound again.  I hadn’t even gotten there when they nicked my vocal cords during the last surgery and caused the swelling and what they think is a node or a cyst on my right cord.

Now that I’ve been medically cleared to start rehabilitating my voice (see the video Q&A for what I do that’s different) I find myself in the same place I’ve seen some of my students who I’ve trained through vocal damage: so ready to give up.  It’s amazing how much you take your voice for granted; love it or hate it, you know what you can expect from it.  But for those who have gone through major illness or vocal damage, you no longer have any idea what you can expect from your voice.  It’s weak or notes just disappear without warning.  Years of training those ‘unusually robust’ vocal cords my doctor says I have are reduced to a tug of war between what I want my voice to do and what it will actually comply with; and it ain’t much right now.

So I’ve decided to give myself a challenge that will force me to do the right thing by my voice; I’ve committed to doing a Christmas album.  The instructor in me knows that if I set a concrete goal with a plan of action to achieve it, the frustrated singer in me will go along until I achieve the real goal; a healthier voice.  I don’t know what it will sound like in the end, and for the first time the final product is not my major concern.  But I know that it will force me to do the training I need to do for my voice and ultimately, will help me get closer to being able to sing with a strong voice, which I haven’t been able to do for almost a year now.

If you’re going through something similar; whether it’s due to damage or insecurity with how your voice sounds, let’s do this together.  Make a vocal goal.  Commit to what it will take to get there.  And when you get to the end you will have so much more than reaching the goal to be proud of.  We’ll get there together.

Let me know your journey.  Comment on this post for the benefit of everyone.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

As the doctor and I were talking, I told the doctor about the vocal technique I teach and it’s effectiveness to repair vocal damage.  I explained that we don’t work with anyone with a diagnosed medical problem until a doctor clears them for therapy and that I was waiting to be cleared so I could begin training to reverse the damage.  She asked me what specifically I would do if a student came to me with the problem I have so I explained where I would start and why.

At the end of our appointment as she was outlining the standard course of action for my vocal problem (a biopsy and probably surgery), I asked her what she would do if she were me.  She turned and said, “If I were you, I wouldn’t get the biospy.  I’d do what YOU do.”

I’ve had students with vocal damage who have had surgery with great results.  When a singers voice is at risk, the course of treatment is a very personal decision that really has to be made between the singer and their physicians.  But I’m so glad to have found the technique I teach; one that has been proven to actually reverse nodes, swelling and many other vocal issues for those of us who decide not to go under the knife, or the laser.

For me, there was no question that I was going to avoid surgery at all costs.  My whole ordeal started from trying to prevent damage to my voice (see previous posts) and ended with way more surgery than I ever bargained for.  No chance I’m going to let them get at my cords again! (Instead of ‘remember the alamo’, my mantra has been ‘remember Julie Andrews’!)

So now that I’ve been cleared by my physicians, I’m going to begin the road to vocal recovery using the method I’ve used to help other singers.  I’m going to enlist the help of other instructors who teach the same method and journal my progress here to remind those of you who have been there, or are there right now, that there is hope for a damaged voice.  And I’m so ready to have a little hope.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

Unfortunately, the ‘simple laproscopic surgery’ that was prescribed didn’t go as planned.  A section of my stomach was burned during the procedure and after I got home, my stomach burst.  After an ambulance ride, an emergency surgery to save my life and spending almost a month in the hospital, I didn’t have to worry about my voice anymore.  The acid could no longer reach my cords.  But due to the sepsis, I sustained organ damage and a very long excruciating recovery that I’m still drudging through eight months later.  I’ve had a total of four surgeries this year to repair damage from the emergency.  But at least my voice was fixed.  Well, maybe.

After my latest surgery in June I noticed pain in the right side of my throat and that I was missing almost a half an octave from my range.  It became painful to speak.  A throat specialist did a nasal scope and discovered a bump on my right vocal cord that we think resulted from my vocal cord being nicked by the breathing tube during my last surgery.  After all of this, my vocal cords are more damaged than ever!

It wasn’t clear if it was a vocal node, a cyst or something else, but when the specialist started talking about booking emergency O.R. time, I was devastated.   I have worked with several students to repair their vocal damage, but for the first time I understood that for a singer, the thought of surgery on your voice is like an athlete facing a possible amputation of a limb.  And, as an instructor, I knew I couldn’t work on my own voice until I was medically cleared to.  I was put on vocal rest until a video laryngoscope could be done to identify the next step.  That’s another story for another post….

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

The most common cause of vocal damage is incorrect use of the voice.  For singers, that often means belting, or pulling up your chest voice beyond the point at which it’s meant to mix with the head voice, or potentially even more damaging; overusing falsetto.  For voice talent (those who speak for commercials, etc. which I also do), damage is more often related to overuse when the voice is tired or dehydrated.  But even if you do everything you can to build a strong, healthy voice, there’s still something that can severely, and sometimes permanently damage your voice.  And that’s exactly what I have; acid reflux.

It’s amazing that acid reflux can damage your voice, considering that the voice box, or larynx, is in the wind pipe and the acid comes up the food pipe.  But in some cases, the acid comes all the way up, over the epiglottis (the little wall between the two pipes) and spills acid over onto your delicate vocal cords.  It hurts just thinking about it.

If you have acid reflux, here are some signs it may be time to talk to a GI specialist; a reoccurring hoarseness, a persistent cough or throat irritation, losing your voice for no apparent reason, shortness of breath, or a change in your voice (loss of volume or missing notes for singers or for voice talent, the fluidity of your read becomes stopped at points).

Most acid reflux can be kept in check with dietary changes and/or medications.  But in some cases, like mine, all the drugs and chocolate banning in the world doesn’t slow down the acid machine.  In those cases, surgery is required, followed by a slow healing process for the blisters surrounding the vocal cords.

Thankfully, my doctors says he expects my voice to recover fully from the damage after my scheduled stomach surgery and a few more months of vocal rest.  But I expect to recover much sooner than that.  Because what my doctor isn’t taking into account is the incredible resilience of the well trained voice.  The method of vocal instruction I use, and teach, is proven to actually reverse vocal damage, and it’s my secret weapon.  I just saw the proof for myself!  The two months of ‘no voice’ I was told to expect after my last procedure, turned into only one week thanks to a few vocal exercises with one of my fellow instructors. (Thanks Mr. Hayes!)

Since I make my living with my voice, vocal damage is my kryptonite.  But thanks to solid vocal technique and the knowledge of how to both avoid damage, and heal it if it happens, this will just be a bump in my vocal road.

So, after my surgery and some regular vocal work, soon I’ll have both my voice, and my chocolate back again.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy