Hyper Positive Praise is for Potty Training Puppies
“Yay. Everyone’s clapping. Yay. Everyone commented on how adorable my kids was (clearly they see the resemblance to my side of the family). Yay. Everyone said that was SO good that I’m now sure we’ll be a You Tube sensation by tomorrow and be signed by Friday.”
Do we all like praise? Almost as much as the chocolate inside the candy shell. Is there a purpose for it? Does the candy shell live only for itself? But when you surround your kid (or yourself, for that matter) with praise absent of qualified critiques (defined in just a moment, hang in there) you are creating an unsustainable self image that can leave your kid unable to deal well with healthy competition, or the malicious tactics of the kids of other stage moms.
One of the things I teach my students is the difference between an opinion and a critique, because understanding that will completely change what you choose to absorb and how it affects you as a performer. I’ll go into that in greater detail another day, but for now just think of it this way; you should regularly seek out the critiques of those who have either had more experience than your kid and/or those who have accomplished something your kid wants to accomplish. If you’re like most people, you’ve just excluded most, if not all of your kids fan club. And that’s important if growth is your goal.
Whether you want a critique from a voice or dance instructor, a performance, acting or styling coach or an independent artist that’s made a splash on the internet, there is a right (and wrong) way to go about it, none of which includes asking for a serious critique in a packed house before or after a performance. If someone you respect seeks you out and gives you input, great. But the best way to get thorough, honest input is to ask for a consultation. Some will charge for this service (especially instructors, since that’s what they make their living doing). Others will not. But always honor their time by checking. Then schedule a time to meet and have them give an opinion in the area they specialize or have experience in. You may want to bring a DVD of a recent performance or a website address if you have video online. Bring promotional materials if you’re talking about marketing or building a fan club. You get the idea. Then LISTEN to what they say. Oh, and make notes.
Whether you love or hate what they say, keep the notes and try some of the things they suggest. As opportunities present themselves, add more qualified critiques to your stack. If you think the instructor is way off, get two more critiques from similar specialists, and see if a pattern of comments evolves. It’ll be an indicator of where your kids strengths and weaknesses really are. And if you do this once a year, you’ll be able to gauge progress reliably.
Don’t stop encouraging. Still bring the flowers after the performance and take a whole hard drive full of pictures. But help your kid learn that while praise may be one of the rewards for their hard work, an honest assessment is crucial to getting better at what they love. And you’ll both have more to clap about in the long run.
