Not even weeks without food could make hospital jello taste better

So here’s the cliff notes version of my last year:

Trip to see a pro singers specialist in Beverly Hill

I went to the ENT with a bruised eardrum from a gig and was told acid reflux was about to burn my vocal cords at the stake (fall ’08).

After all other treatments failed, I had a surgery for acid reflux last December. My stomach burst three days later.

They woke me in the hospital so my husband could say goodbye before I underwent emergency surgery. I spent most of the month in the hospital.

My favorite ride at Disneyland, where my daughter sang

More looks at my vocal cords

The year included a total of four surgeries, an eight inch in scar opened twice and 10 laporascopic holes to try to repair the damage.

When I started all of this I had no trouble singing. Now, on top of my other medical issues, I have a constant gravel in my voice and pain in my throat that is made worse by speech or singing.

After a year of ongoing recovery, barely walking or talking let a lone singing for much of the year and losing my job as a producer/talent and, as a result, our home….just before Christmas 2009 they told me maybe it’s not acid reflux after all and maybe we should start over again with the ENT.

My mom & I at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix

I don’t mean to be all gripey, but it’s been a long year. It’s been doable in small doses, but then came Christmas and the realization that I haven’t sang O Holy Night for two years now. Sound trite, I suppose, but I’m a singer. It’s the one thing I can (or could) physically do that brings me incredible joy. And for most of my life I’ve had the honor of singing O Holy Night at the Christmas Eve services at my church.

Christmas Eve rehearsal 2007

Now I love rock and the blues and there’s nothing like belting out a good Ella tune, but O Holy Night is in a class of it’s own. It mixes an endless possibility of opportunities for vocal expression with a powerful, timeless message that I’m personally passionate about. I sat and cried like a stupid baby when they sang it at the Christmas Eve service this year. Not because I didn’t get to sing it, but because I so desperately miss singing. I miss the beauty of the notes flowing together and the depth of dynamics that weave in and out to tell a story. I miss being a living part of that. I miss it desperately.

My Sweet Family

I’m in the middle of six more months of vocal rest…though I’m not even sure why at this point. The one thing everyone agrees on is that my vocal cords are strong and healthy; not at all burned from any acid reflux or the truckload of drugs I’ve been on this year. But after one of my surgeries I developed a constant pain that starts just below my vocal cords and runs down my throat. For awhile I couldn’t talk at all. So even though I can technically sing, sneaking out anymore than a few lines is still too painful. No one knows why or if/when it will go away and enable me to sing freely again.

My year wasn’t all bad though. I’ve soaked in the time with my kids and my wonderful husband. I’ve discovered cooking and, believe it or not, crochet! I’ve lived unashamedly and vicariously through my students whom I adore and I have bathed in the beauty of song I suppose like a blind person must soak in each little sound.

Before

After

So I’m thankful for my year. Thankful to have lost weight (can’t ever complain about that!) and to have been surrounded by lots of loving, incredible people.

The doctors aren’t saying what my medical future holds. There are only plans for more medical tests, more medication and maybe more surgery in the new year. And hopefully some answers.

But even if it kills me…I’m going to sing in 2010. God only knows how, but I will.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

As the doctor and I were talking, I told the doctor about the vocal technique I teach and it’s effectiveness to repair vocal damage.  I explained that we don’t work with anyone with a diagnosed medical problem until a doctor clears them for therapy and that I was waiting to be cleared so I could begin training to reverse the damage.  She asked me what specifically I would do if a student came to me with the problem I have so I explained where I would start and why.

At the end of our appointment as she was outlining the standard course of action for my vocal problem (a biopsy and probably surgery), I asked her what she would do if she were me.  She turned and said, “If I were you, I wouldn’t get the biospy.  I’d do what YOU do.”

I’ve had students with vocal damage who have had surgery with great results.  When a singers voice is at risk, the course of treatment is a very personal decision that really has to be made between the singer and their physicians.  But I’m so glad to have found the technique I teach; one that has been proven to actually reverse nodes, swelling and many other vocal issues for those of us who decide not to go under the knife, or the laser.

For me, there was no question that I was going to avoid surgery at all costs.  My whole ordeal started from trying to prevent damage to my voice (see previous posts) and ended with way more surgery than I ever bargained for.  No chance I’m going to let them get at my cords again! (Instead of ‘remember the alamo’, my mantra has been ‘remember Julie Andrews’!)

So now that I’ve been cleared by my physicians, I’m going to begin the road to vocal recovery using the method I’ve used to help other singers.  I’m going to enlist the help of other instructors who teach the same method and journal my progress here to remind those of you who have been there, or are there right now, that there is hope for a damaged voice.  And I’m so ready to have a little hope.

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy

Unfortunately, the ‘simple laproscopic surgery’ that was prescribed didn’t go as planned.  A section of my stomach was burned during the procedure and after I got home, my stomach burst.  After an ambulance ride, an emergency surgery to save my life and spending almost a month in the hospital, I didn’t have to worry about my voice anymore.  The acid could no longer reach my cords.  But due to the sepsis, I sustained organ damage and a very long excruciating recovery that I’m still drudging through eight months later.  I’ve had a total of four surgeries this year to repair damage from the emergency.  But at least my voice was fixed.  Well, maybe.

After my latest surgery in June I noticed pain in the right side of my throat and that I was missing almost a half an octave from my range.  It became painful to speak.  A throat specialist did a nasal scope and discovered a bump on my right vocal cord that we think resulted from my vocal cord being nicked by the breathing tube during my last surgery.  After all of this, my vocal cords are more damaged than ever!

It wasn’t clear if it was a vocal node, a cyst or something else, but when the specialist started talking about booking emergency O.R. time, I was devastated.   I have worked with several students to repair their vocal damage, but for the first time I understood that for a singer, the thought of surgery on your voice is like an athlete facing a possible amputation of a limb.  And, as an instructor, I knew I couldn’t work on my own voice until I was medically cleared to.  I was put on vocal rest until a video laryngoscope could be done to identify the next step.  That’s another story for another post….

Ready to take your voice to the next level? Check out online training at The Voice Club Academy