If you’ve ever had vocal damage, this story is probably a little familiar to you. I’m really frustrated with my damaged voice. In fact, many times (a day) I want to quit altogether… a little hard since I’m a vocal coach and I make my living as a vocalist and voice talent, but lately I really really want to.
It’s been a frustrating journey. First discovering that acid reflux was burning my vocal cords and hearing it change my voice. Then surviving the emergency surgery that left me too weak to talk for several weeks and trying to get my whole body strong enough so my voice could produce quality sound again. I hadn’t even gotten there when they nicked my vocal cords during the last surgery and caused the swelling and what they think is a node or a cyst on my right cord.
Now that I’ve been medically cleared to start rehabilitating my voice (see the video Q&A for what I do that’s different) I find myself in the same place I’ve seen some of my students who I’ve trained through vocal damage: so ready to give up. It’s amazing how much you take your voice for granted; love it or hate it, you know what you can expect from it. But for those who have gone through major illness or vocal damage, you no longer have any idea what you can expect from your voice. It’s weak or notes just disappear without warning. Years of training those ‘unusually robust’ vocal cords my doctor says I have are reduced to a tug of war between what I want my voice to do and what it will actually comply with; and it ain’t much right now.
So I’ve decided to give myself a challenge that will force me to do the right thing by my voice; I’ve committed to doing a Christmas album. The instructor in me knows that if I set a concrete goal with a plan of action to achieve it, the frustrated singer in me will go along until I achieve the real goal; a healthier voice. I don’t know what it will sound like in the end, and for the first time the final product is not my major concern. But I know that it will force me to do the training I need to do for my voice and ultimately, will help me get closer to being able to sing with a strong voice, which I haven’t been able to do for almost a year now.
If you’re going through something similar; whether it’s due to damage or insecurity with how your voice sounds, let’s do this together. Make a vocal goal. Commit to what it will take to get there. And when you get to the end you will have so much more than reaching the goal to be proud of. We’ll get there together.
Let me know your journey. Comment on this post for the benefit of everyone.
Kim,
Thank you so much for your honesty in how you are feeling. Having a damaged voice myself I can say that sometimes frustration is an understatement. Thank you for your encouragement, commiseration, and all the help you have given me to get my voice going again. You are awesome!
I was making a sad attempt at yoga today – mainly for the breathing, since my damage is in the windpipe and it’s supposed to help. I thought ‘I just spent years training AWAY this breathy sound’! lol…. and breathe…..
Kim, I’m facing similar issues, and have finally gotten an appointment with a voice specialist (ENT) at UCLA. I’m curious when you say you discovered you had acid reflux. What were the symptoms you had that led to that diagnosis? I have heard that some people have reflux but don’t get heartburn, and don’t realize it until they start having throat and voice issues. This is an inspiring blog – glad I found it! Hang in there! I hope all goes well with your voice rehab.
I didn’t recognize it as heartburn. I went to an ENT after damaging my ear at a gig. She said ‘has your voice changed yet? It’s about to.’ My throat had been damaged from the acid and it was starting to burn my cords. Soon after I started getting hoarse. Looking back, I had that feeling that I could breathe fire if I had to, but didn’t recognize it as heartburn. Unfortunately, the surgery they did (a complication of which almost killed me) has recently come undone so all the acid is back burning my voice and getting into my windpipe again. Acid damage in the throat can lead to Esophageal cancer so they want to do it again. Still waiting on a 2nd opinion. The surgery itself, which only fails 4% of the time they say, did cure the acid problem while it lasted though. Thanks for your well wishes. If you notice hoarseness or changes in your voice, it’s always safest to see your ENT, just to make sure. It can be really serious stuff.
Was the operation you had for reflux? I have been seeing ent specialists for three year now for a condition called reinkes edema which I had a severe case of. I had surgery 13 weeks ago to remove the condition the operation was sucessful but unfortunately recovery has not been. I have searched the net for a forum or somebody who sings that has suffered the same this is closest I could find. I am a professional singer that at the moment still can’t sing. It’s awful apparently the condition was caused by overuse of the voice, smoking and reflux. I stopped smoking straight away which is two year ago now. This didnt’t improve the condition so they eventually surgically removed it only to find it came back, probably because of reflux and apparently a massive part is incorrect technique whilst talking and singing. I am now having lots of theropy and lessons but i feel no futher forward I breath wrong. I think I know how supposed to just 30 year of doing it wrong is hard to correct. I was told I would be back singing two 45 minute spots a night after six weeks more than double that time and still can’t sing more than one song. I am a single mother that needs to earn money. Has anyone any idea’s has anyone had this surgery? I am on medication for reflux but still always feel my throat burning. I don’t know what I can do now i have tried everything. The surgeon promised me it has definatly not scarred but the cords are still slightly puffy. It’s getting pretty desperate for me now any advice would be so much appreciated.
The surgery I had was for acid reflux. It came undone and I’m back in the same place as you. I have similar throat pain and swollen cords, but I can still sing through all registers because of the technique I study (and teach). It’s based on bringing the voice back into balance through singing at a speech level and is used by professionals and grammy award winners to reverse voice damage. I know that without it there’s no way I could sing right now. I have to say that the pain from my other throat issues does make singing much more uncomfortable, so I totally empathize with you. Email me at kim@thevoiceclub.com and let me know what kind of training you’ve had and maybe I can give you some specific instruction that would help. Feelin’ for ya!
Even after my surgery, I still have heartburn. Now they’re saying maybe I never had it to begin with. I understand your frustration! I went to a voice treatment specialist (MD) and he agreed with me that even though I still have evidence of burning below my cords, it has never, and may never affect my cords. I can only say that If I had it to do again, I wouldn’t get the surgery unless they could tell me it was reaching my cords. I understand now that regardless of the surgery, I will live with this forever. It may never get any closer to my cords (it hasn’t in the two years they’ve been taking scans). I am finally singing again, full range, and adapting to the pain that now accompanies it (not from my cords but the surrounding muscle damage from another surgery and the acid burns). It has blown even me away the difference solid technique has played in getting me singing again. If you’d like to schedule a one time voice assessment via skype I would be happy to see where your technique currently is and give you some ideas of how to get back on that stage again. All my best!
Kim – Got a diagnosis of acid reflux from the ENT. My kind is different, though, as I don’t get heartburn, so it’s hard to tell what foods, etc., bother me. I guess that means I have to cut out everything on the list in order to play it safe. I’m taking prescription meds for the time being – Kapidex in the morning and industrial strength Zantac at night. I go back in February for a check-up, but he said I should start seeing improvement in about 6 weeks. The only change I’ve noticed in my voice is difficulty navigating through the lower break (around F-G). Notes above or below that range (even high notes) are no problem. I’ll just have to rehab that back with vocal exercises.
I’ve been diagnosed with Reinke’s Edema. I do a little singing as well. Have been struggling with this for the past 3 months now. I haven’t undergone surgey cause I’m scared it’ll just relapse and I’ll end up having to go through this all over again.
I think for me it could be a combination of several things 1)Reflux 2)Allergies 3) Incorrect Singing Technique. Not quite sure what to do. I’m currently undergoing homoeopathic treatment and apparently they have medicines that could cure this condition but it will take a really long time(Time will tell!)Basically I’m trying to avoid Surgery at all costs!!
I totally get you about avoiding surgery! I’ve had enough to last a lifetime. I’m not qualified to comment on your medical condition but I do know that having strong, healthy vocal technique makes all the difference in the world; on both ends of the spectrum. I knew that before all of my illness, but I was still stunned to see that after not singing for the better part of a year, within a week I had my full range back. That’s muscle memory. If you want to do a one time vocal assessment I can tell you for sure where your technique is and give you some tips for going forward. All my best.
It is really comforting-if that makes sense-to hear your story. Sometimes it feels as though I am alone. The reflux was going on for so long without me knowing and the damage was hard to see once I went to my ENT. There is a fear of trying to sing again because I have memories of the success I experienced in the past. I just want to feel that vocal freedom again. I will set a goal and let that motivate me to try again.
Lisa
I woke up one morning 6 wks ago with the most severe burning pain in my throat, so painful i couldnt even talk. I had to use a white board for 2 wks. Only the last 2 wks have i been able to talk without too much of a burning pain, but i have to talk airy and daren’t raise my voice. I still cant sing as the pain is very intense if i try. I am…..was……a professional singer for years and recently have been in a rock band for the last 6 months, i also write music. The doctor has referred me to ENT and has put me on acid reflux medication in case it is this, but as he cant see my chords, he doesnt really know if this is the cause. I have suffered from terrible heartburn for 2 yrs and chest pain but lived with it not realising it could cause something like this. It may be that i have overused my voiced or pushed it, as i have to sing more in my chest with rock instead of my heady pop voice that i have always used. I have felt so isolated, and i’m scared i may never sing again, it has been my life, every day of my life has revolved around singing/music. Does the blow torch burning pain only happen with GERD or can this type of intense burning be felt with other damage,i.e polyps, nodes etc etc? Will this pain ever go, voiceclubcoach states he has to sing through the pain now?
I am a pop rock singer suffering from a vocal polyp that has cut my range in half. Surgery has been recommended as polyps don’t go away on there own. Will my voice sound as it did before? I’m in the middle of recording a record and fear my voice will be drastically changed after surgery. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Whether or not your voice will change after surgery kind of depends on how much it’s already changed, if it has, from the placement of your polyps. Have you noticed your voice becoming more raspy or disconnected since the polyps developed? If they are keeping the cords from closing completely it can add an air-ier quality to the voice. That should disappear after they’re removed if the surgery is done well. If you haven’t had any noticeable voice changes you should notice no change afterward. Just make sure you completely rest your voice for the full recovery term recommended by your doctor. Your cords will be more tender and more susceptible to more damage, especially during the marathon that is recording!